he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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