Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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