I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
