I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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