woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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