Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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