Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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