don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
