so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
