I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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