Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
