You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
