sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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