Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
