take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
