he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
