Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.