I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED