i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!