explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"