Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.