I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we're making bets on your personal life
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook