the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
