May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
