Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just blew my weed a kiss
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
