So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
