I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
