I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
