I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
