4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
