Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
