is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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