Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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