Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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