His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
