it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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