Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize