It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
