Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize