Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
