I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
