Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
