Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had sex on a roof
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
