Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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