JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize