Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
