eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
