I hate your face
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
being pregnant is like rehab
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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