Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
