gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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