smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
