You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
