In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
