At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
