I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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