So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
