I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We talked him into tasing himself.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
