The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
