your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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