It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
