If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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