Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
