I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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