Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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