census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A+ Viking dick
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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