the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
