Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
