if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
