so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
