Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Alive.
So much puke
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
