The maid of honor just puked.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
